The Plan

THE PLAN
Ooo Yea, this is Macho Man reporting in. I have a plan, but its not no ordinary plan. It's a plan to woo this female named Katherine. This female is making it very obvious to me that she wants my "Macho Dick". From asking what the teacher just said, to asking me if i have an extra pencil. She obviously can not control herself when it comes to the Macho Man. So i have a plan to completely rock the world of this mammary gland having blonde hair bitch. The plan basically goes like this, after class I'm gonna say "Sup bitch". This will let her know I'm aggressive and wild. After the sup bitch i will proceed lift her over my head and take her to the hallway, where i will give her a condom (this is because Macho Man gets too crazy for his own good). And yata yata, we gonna fuck. This plan will probably take action Friday, the day before valentines day. I'll update the blog on Friday to let you know how sexyful the day was *wink*
Peace out brohams, like i always say if she bitching leg drop that ho.

I Hate an Actor That Plays a Rapper – Big Pun

Since the 90’s we have been tortured by white actors who want to rap. Recently the Oscar nominated actor, Joaquin Phoenix, has announced he will no longer act in order to join the ranks of Marky Mark and David from 90210 (aka "the poor man's Vanilla Ice"). When first hearing this I probably like the rest of you thought this has to be a joke. I mean this is the guy who just played Johnny Cash in Walk the Line. Plus what the fuck kind of name is Joaquin Phoenix? It sounds like he should be apart of the X-men rather than the Beastie Boys.

To top it off Phoenix doesn’t sound too confident in his rapping skills either. He said "Might I be ridiculous? Might my career in music be laughable? Yeah, that's possible, but that's certainly not my intention." What the fuck is wrong with this asshole. He knows that in all likelihood will turn out to be a complete failure yet still is going to attempt this! He looks like he has been stranded on an island for 10 years and I’m not talking about Shaolin or Long Island. Oh and his recent performance in a Las Vegas nightclub was reminiscent of a hobo shouting random nonsense on the E train.

Las Vegas nightclub performance - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrclRelKUno

It’s really not to hard to see why Joaquin Phoenix is out of his God damn mind. His parents were members of the religious cult Children of God (maybe that can be the name of his rap group) and changed their last name to Phoenix because it symbolized a new beginning. But hey maybe Phoenix is the new beginning of rap! I mean “the best rapper alive” is now doing rock albums so there is an open spot for the throne!

Too

MachoMan's 5 Ways to Trap Pussy

MachoMan's 5 Ways to Trap Pussy

For those of you who don't know i am the one and only "MachoMan". I'm probably the sexiest, most delicious nigga in the world. I fucked mad bitches in my lifetime, and i feel that i should spread my knowledge. After you read my "5 Ways to Trap Pussy" you'll have bitches wishing to keep some of your dick sauce. Trust me from a play boy to a little ugly nigga like yourself.

1. If your bun's ain't tight, than you ain't doing it right.
This is an important step to trapping pussy. Nigga's need to stay in shape if their going to get laid. Girls don't want no dude coughing up Cheetos's on them. So hit the gym and treat them buns right! " I love you like a fat kid loves cake" lets try and remix this shit, "I love you like a tight bun'd nigga loves a salad". A line like this will woo your chick, but wont get her in bed. Read on nigga!

2. Get that dirt off your shoulder.
A first impression is the most important impression. If your suite is fly, and your shoes are clean, bitch my ignore that spot on your dick. Make sure you get your outfit dry cleaned, and ironed before you meet your female. Just chant "Ain't nobody dope as me, I'm just so fresh so clean" 5 times in the bathroom and you a made nigga!

3. Lie, Lie, Lie, and LIE!
Alright a couple of your brothas out there might think I'm a shallow person. But never tell the truth to your female. Shit never turns out right if you tell truth. "Baby can you rub my back?", "Nah bitch you back got more pimples than my 14 year old cousin". And bam she's gone from your life forever. Now your left with a hard dick and no hole to fulfill your stick. Lie to the bitch all the time, she might think your interesting and have personality! Never hide, but make sure you lie and deny especially if she had one too many of the henny.

4. The Elbow Drop!
The Elbow Drop is a move that me "MachoMan" have created to kinda get your girl in the mood.
El- Electrify your bitch with a lick or two on her feet and elbows, get that ash off of her.
Bow- Bow for your girl so she really thinks your putting on a show for her. And than...
Drop- Drop straight down on her bitch ass and lay down the law of your Johnson!

5. It is what it is.
To be successful with a woman, you need to lower your standards. Ain't no hot bitch gonna put up with your bullshit even if you read these 5 ways. Its nature that hot bitches go out with old rich white men, who have a spot open in their will. So the next time you in the club, don't look at sexy, beautiful Veronica. Instead look at smart, loyal and abused as a child Stacey. Shit is real and everyday can be your last in the jungle. So make sure to select the right bitch.

Following my ways is important to a healthy sex life. Get money and get vagina! Bitches don't know what's good for them, so stick it in and stroke your hair playa! Remember, an ugly nigga like you,
can eventually be this.

Bro's You Mean the World To Me!

Release Dates for Epic Shit

*All release dates are expected, not confirmed!*

Movies - 2009
2/27/09 Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Ah, another live-action Street Fighter movie. There's a lot to say about the last live-action Street Fighter movie, but summed up I doubt many people will argue with me when I say it was complete horrid garbage. Ahem. Anyway, the trailer is promising and the broad playing Chun-Li, (Kristin Kreuk) is fuckin' hawt. ^_^

3/6/09 Watchmen
Watchmen, a very respected comic book series published by DC Comics, is intriguing to say the very least. The trailer, here, assures the comic book fans that it does not stray from the story and is eye catching to newcomers to the series such as myself.
4/8/09 Dragonball Evolution
Oh, the lolz my friends and I had after watching the trailer. Unfortunately, the first Dragonball live-action movie does not seem promising at all. Straying from the story, not having any look alike characters..I mean, just watch. We can only hope that this is the year's best April Fools Joke. I personally feel series like Dragonball Z, Street Fighter or even Metal Gear should be turned into movies but done using CG, not live-action. My point is proven by the Resident Evil Movie series. All garbage until Resident Evil: Degeneration.
5/1/09 X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Hooo, the shere epicness of the title made me blow the shit out of my ass! Wolverine, the badass of the X-Men crew has finally been given a movie. I expect alot from this film. Click here to get the vibe. I can't wait for this shit.
6/26/09 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Not much to say about this one. You're gonna watch it. The first Transfomers was the definition of epic but if you need further persuasion, here ya go.
8/7/09 G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
The most epic commercial during one of the best Superbowls I've ever seen. The trailer was full of what could interest me in spending money to watch something I could see for free on the internet, Sexy women, Ninjas and massive explosions!

Video Games - 2009
2/17/09 Street Fighter IV (PS3, 360)Coming out soon, this Street Fighter seems to be more suited for the graphic whores that have infected gaming. I can't say much for the competitive gaming aspect but, as the series always assures, it seems like a fun game.
2/17/09 GTA: The Lost and Damned (360)
This will be downloadable content found on the XBox 360 Marketplace for Grand Theft Auto IV. This content will continue on the game's side missions concering the Biker Gang, The Lost. The new central character of the game is Johnny Klebitz who appears in a few select missions alongside Niko Bellic.
3/13/09 Resident Evil 5 (PS3, 360)
Why are you reading this? Was the demo not enough for you? The Resident Evil series has NOT disappointed the large fan base it has gained after the revolutionary Resident Evil 4. RE5 has taken some elements from Gears of War concerning the graphics and interaction with environment making it more appealing for the gamer that wanted more so from RE4. I expect alot of epic shit from this game.

Numba Thr3e